I have what?!!!!

Welcome to this hot mess!  This first little snippit of "joy" will be quick.  You can expect the following from me...

• The truth as I percieve it (with the occasional link that has actual facts)
• An inconsistency in behavior, mood, and/or actions
• I WILL NOT DUMB DOWN OR HIDE ANYTHING.  I will; however, do my best to tame my mouth...but this page may not be for you if you see the occasional swear word and freak out
• I love to inspire people; however, you can expect the RAW and UNCUT side of me to come out.  That's the only way we can learn from each other...but, I still try to be positive...sometimes.
• I encourage TONS of feedback because I am all over the place

OK, so I may edit the above if the dynamics of the blog change but for now this should be sufficient.  I am going to give you some background info on me just so you can connect on that other level...

I come from a nice middle class, yet broken home.  There were a lot of mistakes made by my parents (some quite sick) and I made a few bad choices (during their messy divorce) but got through most of the crap until one hot summer day when I was raped at the age of 16.  I was raped by a boy and I am a lesbian so that messed me up...I began to cut myself regularly.  Also, I thought I was Bi after that and I thought no one loved me.  I ended up having my first and only son when I turned 20.  His Dad was on the REAL bad drugs and I didn't know...he abused, manipulated, and molested me regularly.  I left within a year of the abuse and finally pieced my life back together...The cutting stopped as quickly as it started.

I fell in love with the love of my life right before I turned 23; however, I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder II and then I and then we jokingly (love my psych) called it Bipolar 1.5 LOL.  I had psychotic episodes before I could even get regulated on my meds and ended up in the psych ward for 5-days.  I had bad reactions to approx. 4 medications before we found the right fit..but not without going to the psych ward for a 2nd time...It wasn't scary and I occasionally have fantasies about going back...crazy. 

So much more for us to discuss together!  (I'm excited) I promised that this would be short and already went nuts so Ciao for now!

Lamictol 150mg 2 times a day
Xanex 5mg per day
Trazadone 50mg per night
(Just quit 300mg Welbutrin...we shall C on that one)

TRUTHABOUTCRAZY