I don't think I know more than anybody else. I understand I will learn something new about this every day.
You should know that no two mentally ill people are alike. We can empathize with each other, support each other, and stick together; however, its truly important to understand that all of us will never consecutively have bad days and will never consecutively have good days. Our sleep patterns won't be the same and our self destruction may have the same root cause, but we all express it in very different ways.
You gotta learn it the hard way.
I get mad. I get jealous. and I get scared.
When the people I love do what I do to myself I literally have a nervous breakdown. I witnessed (well kinda) a true psychotic break and OH MY GOD, it is so different than experiencing one. Watching from the outside is like squeezing your stomach with a metal clamp until you throw up. I can't explain the outer body experience I had. I was listening to my own fears coming out of someone's mouth and all I could do was cry, and yell, and almost flipped out at work.
When you love someone that goes through what you went through, I feel as though the rage stems from wanting them to see what you saw when you snapped out of it. The rage comes from being selfish and impatient. The rage also comes from self hatred. I can only imagine what my inability to empathize and stay calm when people need me would be perceived as. I want to help and when a wall gets thrown up and I can't do what I see is help I lose it.
Again, we can love each other, support each other, and empathize but we can't always be the best help. Why? Two sick people trying to help each other isn't necessarily a recipe for disaster but its definitely an uphill battle.
Peace and Patience,
Truthaboutcrazy
No comments:
Post a Comment