Xanny-Man

I'm going to explode.

My brain won't shut up.  I hate this circle jerk from hell.  It feels like I am on that spinning ride thing that you see at a carnival or some shit.  Around-and-around-and-around-and......

I call him the "Xanny-Man"

The little man in my head keeps chanting Xanax, Xanax, Xanax, Xanax.......some sort of voodoo witch doctor or something.  I am literally OBSESSED.  I can't stop thinking about it.  YES, I am thankful that I have severed all ties to Xanax, switched Dr.'s, etc.  But it's not enough! I am going to throw myself on the ground like a 2 year old and start kicking and screaming.  But when I scream I still hear the "Xanny-man" in my head!  I smashed my TV remote control on the coffee table like 20 times before it partially fell apart.  Still, the "Xanny-man" kept chanting.  Turned up music as high as it would go...I could still hear that fucker!

It would be so easy.

I fantasize about switching Dr.'s and getting Xanax again.  It would be so easy.  AND THEN I would prop my feet up, tilt my head back, and pop them in my mouth like M&M's.  Yummy Yummy Yummy.  Then I will sing like a bird and flip flop around the house until I pass out for 14 hours in a Xanax induced stupor.  Yum!

I had no idea.

I had no idea that the craving for Xanax would surpass every other craving I have ever had.  I had no idea that the spasms in my neck and esophagus would consume my self esteem.  I had no idea that I would twitch and blink like a crack head.

I REFUSE TO LEAVE THE HOUSE!

I am petrified to leave the house.  I don't want anyone to judge me, or stare at me because I would probably rip off my sleeve and chisel my wrists off in the middle of a public place.  This level of paranoia is almost deafening....

I always thought that addiction would be one thing I wouldn't have to worry about....I thought wrong.



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