DEAR MAN

As most of you know I have embarked on a Journey called DBT aka Dialectal Behavioral Therapy.  I think it is IMPERATIVE that I share this gift with you guys because this therapy is not available in everyone's city.

DBT class can be taken by anyone but is highly recommended for those with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).  Per the DSM-IV us, BPD folks, have a few issues with our objectives on HOW TO GET WHAT WE WANT EFFECTIVELY AND WITHOUT THROWING A DAMN TEMPER TANTRUM...

So, before I dive in to the first of 5 important steps in the process I need to prep you guys!  There is a lot of homework and tons of acronyms that make your head spin.  This is such a gift though and even when I thought I couldn't do it, I finally put my guard down and really started to open up in last weeks session.

Ok, so the first acronym and one of the most important one's is called "DEAR MAN."

D: Describe

E: Express

A: Assert

R: Reinforce

M: Mindful

A: Appear Confident

N: Negotiate

When negotiating, or expressing yourself in the "right way" to get what you want FROM OTHERS you must...

Describe:  Describe the SITUATION (If necessary)

Tell the person exactly what you are reacting to.  Stick to the facts.

Express:  Express your FEELINGS and OPINIONS about the situation.

Assume that your feelings and opinions are not self-evident.  Give a brief rationale while using phrases such as "I want" or "I don't want to" instead of "I need," "You Should," or "I can't"

For example:  Do not say "You should go wash the dishes" and instead say "I want" or "I would like for you to wash the dishes." The play on the worlds prompts a completely different response from the individual you are negotiating with.

Assert:  Assert yourself by asking for what you want or saying "NO" clearly.

Remember in the DSM-IV.  BPD peeps tend to be unclear or feel extremely guilty about asking for what we want without guilt and we come off as unsure or uneducated by NOT ASSERTING.  Assume that others will not figure it out or do what you want unless you ask.  Assume that others cannot read your mind.  Don't expect others to know HOW HARD it is for you to ask directly for what you want.

Reinforce:  Reinforce or REWARD the person ahead of time by explaining CONSEQUENCES.

Tell the person the positive effects of getting what you want or need.  Help the person feel goo ahead of time for doing or accepting what you want.  Reward him or her afterwards. 

Note:  Obviously don't give them presents like its christmas...verbal praise or showing genuine appreciation is fitting in this situation.

Mindful keep focused on YOUR OBJECTIVES (again, its ok to focus on your goal aka what you want)

Maintain your position.  Don't be distracted (by fear, self conciousness or an initial reaction)

• Ignore If another person attacks, threatens, or tries to change the subject, ignore the threats, comments, or attempts to divert you.  Don't respond to attacks. IGNORE DISTRACTIONS.  Just keep making your point.

Appear confindent:  Appear EFFECTIVE and COMPETENT

(Great for interviews or dealing with family members)  Use a confident voice tone and physical manner; make good eye contact.  No stammering, whispering, staring at the floor, retreating, or saying "I'm not sure," etc.  OBVIOUSLY this one is hard and it is recommended that you practice.

Negotiate:  Be willing to GIVE to GET.  If you initially get pushback prepare a counter offer.  Example:  I would like for you to do the dishes today and I will do them tomorrow...I don't expect you to do it every day. (Just an example y'all).  Focus on what you want.

Turn the tables on the other person (not in a manipulative way) to get their take and include them in the decision making so that they feel that you did not strip them of their power.  Such as, "What do you think we should do?  I am not able to say yes in this situation so what can we do here.

(Most of this research is from The skills Training Manual for treating Borderline Personality Disorder by Marsha Lineham, 1993, The Guilford Press)

Ok, so now that we have the first acronym of many to come, REMEMBER, take the word SHOULD out of your vocabulary.  It's abrasive and combative and you will not get what you want.

SO MUCH MORE TO COME YOU GUYS.  I AM SO EXCITED AND I HOPE THIS HELPS US ON THIS JOURNEY!

DEAR MAN:  AS IF MENTAL ILLNESS WASN'T ENOUGH...NOW WE NEED TO MEMORIZE A BUNCH OF ACRONYMS...YAY...WOOO...UGH!

Respectfully Yours,

Trutaboutcrazy

Beautiful Scars

Beautiful Scars

(V1)
Little Heart
Don't you die
You were the only light
that kept my soul alive

Happy Tears
Why'd you fall
Now you can't feel
anything at all

(Pre-chorus)
And the people passing by say
"Oh what a shame.
She's just an empty shell now
could've had everything."

(Chorus)
But a pretty face is nothing
once it turns to glass.
You know, I thought she truly loved me,
but it didn't last.
A tounge so sharp
it could cut through steel
inconsiderate of the way I feel
I Didn't know...
It would be so easy...
To walk away.

To run away.

with a smile on my face.



(V2)
Little girl
Don't you hide
Your scars are still beautiful
Even in my eyes.

Angry Tears
They never lie
There's a strength in you
It'll help you to survive

(Pre-Chorus)
Screw those people walking by that say
"Oh what a shame.
She's just an empty shell now
could've been anything."

(Chorus)
But your pretty face is nothing
once it turns to glass.
I tried to save the pieces
but it didn't last.
A tounge so sharp
it could cut through steel
inconsiderate of the way I feel

I Didn't know it would be
so easy...

To walk away.

To run away.

with a smile on my...

:(Bridge):
Hanging from that pedestal
That was so high!

Used to be so strong and honest
Now you won't even try!

(Bridge 2)
Nobody's perfect...
Don't feel ashamed.

But you'll lose your loved ones...
Playin' that manipulative game.



(Repeat chorus)



Didn't want to walk away.
Didn't want to run away.

But to survive
Needed to revive
The missing smile...from...my...face...

"The Breakdown, The Home, and The Indian"

I think its safe to introduce you guys to a "happy" little place I call "The Home."  I came up with this cute little nickname from my "Great-Grandmother from another mother," Estelle Getty...Yep, I have seen almost every episode of the "Golden Girls" just like every other...ummm...teenager.  Estelle played Sophia and referred to "Shady Pines" retirement facility as such...she often talked about trying to "bust out of the joint." 

Whatever, dude.  I'm not embarassed.  That show is funnier than shit.

"The Home" is actually the Psych Ward.  Ward #3 to be exact.  I was told, "you should be in Ward #2 because of your extreme psychotic break; however, you talk too much and most of the people in that section already hear voices.  They don't need to listen to you too...and that is a FACT" (insert Punjabi, indian dialect). 

Sooo...I'm in bad physical shape because I told "Dr. I" that morning that I needed to release 50% of my blood from my body because my mother is evil...I am 50% of her and I want it out....you get the irrational picture...

Anyways, bleeding, shaking, talking crazy, shouting...I AGREE to go to this place to "get better."

"You will not be cured.  You are on a journey and must meditate and think about what you have done and that is a FACT blah blah blah (Ok so whenever it ends with the word "fact" speak to yourself in an Indian accent...It's the same guy...p.s. I love him)

It smells like hospital.  It looks like a very clean Dr. Office but with little orphanage beds...two beds per room.  It's overwhelming...so I do what I do best...I talk...talk...I think I didn't pause until I had to pee 2 hours later.  I'm confused...they are showing me my room...something about having a roomate and taking my shoelaces out of my shoes...  So after the grand tour (It's only two hallways, one conference room, one office, a nurse's station complete with pills I want to eat and.....A CLASSROOM?  But in the movies they get to walk up and down the hall twitching in a hospital gown and sleep alot.  Like a lot of sleeping and medication and television and resting and more sleeping..and and and...STOP!  The classroom doors open and I see my neighbors for the first time...WTF! Are there CRAYONS in that CLASSROOM?  So this is what happens next...all of a sudden you're "normal" again and SNAP out of it.  Get me out!  Please!  I don't belong here (uh yeah I totally did).

I meet the following people:

Male, 60's, talks only about the war
girl, very young, dissapointment to her parents
Female, late 20's, cigarette burns all over her arms...very friendly.
Woman, age unknown, growls like tiger...nevermind.
Super tiny woman with a feeding tube...anorexic...refused to eat so the Dr. jammed a bag of "Ensure" in her stomach...very hard to keep a straight face.
Female, a lot like me, starting lithium and takes vicodin for her back...great sense of humor...scars on neck and feet.
A few other guys and gals that are unemployed, trying to beat the system, and need a warm bed...ridiculous.

The Food:

Good.  We were only allowed to use "Sporks"...quite possibly the funniest rule on the planet.  You were graded on how well you ate by a little nurse.  Did I mention the food was good?  Kinda like a restaraunt...and then...SHIT!  The manager of the "restaraunt" is someone I know.  SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.  No wonder she never told me where she worked!  The last three days I only remember dinner...she worked days...I hid behind a wall...I almost failed breakfast...The guy from war was in on my secret and he would do a "stop drop and roll" with his tray that had an extra bagel for me so I could recieve a "C"

The Schedule:

Booked Schedule 8:00 a.m. - 9:45 p.m. Crazy people do not like surprise knocks on the doors and the lights flipped on FOR THEM like CAMP in the morning.  I am not a bitch.  This made me a bitch.  Good News is that my wife had to bring me ear plugs because my "Roomate" snored like a Friggin' fighter jet ready for take off.  I made fun of her with my new "friends" on day two snorting like a pig and she caught me.  Later that evening I was told that she said she was going to kill me in my sleep...ironic...I wasn't the one sleeping....Ok I'm off track.  The schedule was Breakfast, morning "what do we want to accomplish" discussions, Break, Snack time (yep...you heard me), another class that coincided with the day of the week, "Quiet time" with our journals, lunch, 2 more classes, break (with a snack...duh), another class, Dinner, 1 class, closing discussion, lights out.  meds at 8,12,5,and 9:30.  If you leave your room in the middle of the night for a walk just to get away from...I don't know...a foghorn...you will meet 3rd shift.  3rd shift is a very cranky female nurse playing solitare and a very young, ugly and horny male nurse watching DVDs on the company computers.  They got each others back; therefore, you have now pissed the bitch off and she says get back in your room...suddenly I am a 9-year old. 

I must add that the day shift and evening shift nurses were lovely.  One of them was even bipolar type 1 and had literally been on our side of the fence.  I learned a lot but I needed a mother-trucking vacation when I left.  I am way to extroverted for "The Home."  I listened to everyone's story and, of course, I wanted to heal the world, fix everyone's problem, and skip around in a manic frenzy.  Yeah...one day I skipped...I was bored!  (Humph!)

Release:

Sounds easy.  Takes forever.  "Good morning, what have you learned?  You can do nothing with the past.  You are in the present and the future means nothing because it is not here yet.  Your illness means you need to be CONCIOUS 100% of the TIME in the PRESENT...I see that it is a fact you have spent many hours taking classes on facts and the fact is that you can leave today...your wife pick you up?  Is that a fact?"   (RRRRGGG I love you....just stop say FACT!)

Then there is the paperwork that takes...2 hours? I call my reliable other half to come get me.  Then she has to wait another hour at the release station...we leave...pizza...the end.

The moral of this story is before you have a psychotic break remember this blog so that you don't expect a trip to the movie set of, "Girl Interupted."

The End. 

psy·cho·sis

Psychosis is a severe mental disorder in which thought and emotions are so impaired that contact is lost with external reality.

The first time this occurs it may be referred to as a "psychotic break."  If it happens again it is eventually referred to as psychosis.

Sooooooooo...........

I am in what I would like to call a "psychosis haze" right now.  I don't want to talk to anyone (unless it is electronically) and I am back to eating more than my stomach can hold in order to avoid cutting.  I snapped about 36 hours ago...I knew it was coming because my insomnia has been back for quite some time and my mania has been full throttle and my low moments have been absolute darkness.  I am completely drugged at the moment...but....with a twist.

The following has medicinally occured today.......

• 9 Xanex (I have passed out on 27 before so...whatever...I know I'm wrong...no need for a lecture)
• 3 Benadryl (it adds a little kick to the X
• 2 glasses of cherry diet dr. pepper with a splash of vodka...I then took a nap
• Woke up and took 1 Tylenol PM, 1 Benadryl, and 1 Xanex

So...to the hardcore pill popper...not to horrifying, but this is typical for me when psychosis sets in.  On a normal day I only take 4mg of Xanex even tho the Dr. has prescribed 5mg per day.  I guess I am subconciously saving up for a rainy day...oh wait...it didn't rain today.

If I were in a full blown psychotic state I wouldn't be able to type this.  However, I find a strange solace in "blog land." 

Finally, everyone is pissed off at my "poor" behavior in the house.  I want to be alone for like 5 days but they are all worried I would slice myself open and unless I eat the rest of the kitchen I probably would.  I don't like the effects of Xanex, actually, it isn't very fun.  I find it to be extremely necessary but when I take a bit of cough syrup, allergy medicine, and top it off with a sleeping pill I can get through like 6 hours completely numb and productive....sigh....next week I will be bitching on here about how manic I am and some new diet craze. 

I feel my buzz wearing off....

So, AGAIN, it takes 5 seconds to create a user name...SHARE your experiences, fears, and ideas with me!

Maniacle Regards,

Truthaboutcrazy