The first time this occurs it may be referred to as a "psychotic break." If it happens again it is eventually referred to as psychosis.
Sooooooooo...........
I am in what I would like to call a "psychosis haze" right now. I don't want to talk to anyone (unless it is electronically) and I am back to eating more than my stomach can hold in order to avoid cutting. I snapped about 36 hours ago...I knew it was coming because my insomnia has been back for quite some time and my mania has been full throttle and my low moments have been absolute darkness. I am completely drugged at the moment...but....with a twist.
The following has medicinally occured today.......
- 9 Xanex (I have passed out on 27 before so...whatever...I know I'm wrong...no need for a lecture)
- 3 Benadryl (it adds a little kick to the X
- 2 glasses of cherry diet dr. pepper with a splash of vodka...I then took a nap
- Woke up and took 1 Tylenol PM, 1 Benadryl, and 1 Xanex
If I were in a full blown psychotic state I wouldn't be able to type this. However, I find a strange solace in "blog land."
Finally, everyone is pissed off at my "poor" behavior in the house. I want to be alone for like 5 days but they are all worried I would slice myself open and unless I eat the rest of the kitchen I probably would. I don't like the effects of Xanex, actually, it isn't very fun. I find it to be extremely necessary but when I take a bit of cough syrup, allergy medicine, and top it off with a sleeping pill I can get through like 6 hours completely numb and productive....sigh....next week I will be bitching on here about how manic I am and some new diet craze.
I feel my buzz wearing off....
So, AGAIN, it takes 5 seconds to create a user name...SHARE your experiences, fears, and ideas with me!
Maniacle Regards,
Truthaboutcrazy
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