Beautiful Scars
(V1)
Little Heart
Don't you die
You were the only light
that kept my soul alive
Happy Tears
Why'd you fall
Now you can't feel
anything at all
(Pre-chorus)
And the people passing by say
"Oh what a shame.
She's just an empty shell now
could've had everything."
(Chorus)
But a pretty face is nothing
once it turns to glass.
You know, I thought she truly loved me,
but it didn't last.
A tounge so sharp
it could cut through steel
inconsiderate of the way I feel
I Didn't know...
It would be so easy...
To walk away.
To run away.
with a smile on my face.
(V2)
Little girl
Don't you hide
Your scars are still beautiful
Even in my eyes.
Angry Tears
They never lie
There's a strength in you
It'll help you to survive
(Pre-Chorus)
Screw those people walking by that say
"Oh what a shame.
She's just an empty shell now
could've been anything."
(Chorus)
But your pretty face is nothing
once it turns to glass.
I tried to save the pieces
but it didn't last.
A tounge so sharp
it could cut through steel
inconsiderate of the way I feel
I Didn't know it would be
so easy...
To walk away.
To run away.
with a smile on my...
:(Bridge):
Hanging from that pedestal
That was so high!
Used to be so strong and honest
Now you won't even try!
(Bridge 2)
Nobody's perfect...
Don't feel ashamed.
But you'll lose your loved ones...
Playin' that manipulative game.
(Repeat chorus)
Didn't want to walk away.
Didn't want to run away.
But to survive
Needed to revive
The missing smile...from...my...face...
Monday, December 12, 2011
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
I'm a Judgemental Bitch
Hey! I haven't been blogging the past few weeks because I have developed a video blog project for YouTube. But, I cannot live without typing out my thoughts instead of just blabbing to a web cam. It's nice to have options...
Soo...let's get down to dishing the dirt in the land of crazy. Sometimes I think craziness follows me. Well, that and my poor or impulsive decisions. The following story I wouldn't call a poor decision. I much rather choose to call this an "impulsive" decision. For those of you all who have not seen the vlog or have not been on twitter, I went to detox from benzos (xanax) last week. Just looking over the time I spent writing about xanax, the poems, talking about it, etc. finally made me ask the question, "Who am I without the xanax?" I take a bunch of other shit now, anyway and my Dr. is weaning me off of them so technically I needed to do this. She suggested that I did it at home the slower way instead of doing it in a quick five days. But, I am impatient and I always try to speed things up.
After carefully researching and going through my selection process I found a facility that would concentrate on my psychiatric needs while I detoxed from benzos the HEALTHY way. What happened next couldn't possibly been made up by the best comedians on the planet....
I entered with a suitcase and a pillow. Immediately I was approached with a stack of bullshit paperwork because that is exactly what crazy people on drugs want to do when they are about to detox. It took a motherfucking 7 hours to get through all of the tests, examinations, and verbal abuse by a bunch of self absorbed case workers and IGNORANT nurses!
Intake:
My first impression:
The Icing on the Cake:
He told me I shouldn't leave but he couldn't keep me. "You should stay. You can't just go cold turkey." I said I agreed that cold turkey causes horrible side effects, listed them, and then said that I had 125 benzos at home (that were about to be flushed down the toilet if detox was successful) and I will wean myself off slowly without a fucking horse tranquilizer or whatever they gave me that DID NOT WORK.
"How are you going to do that? You will just take them all and OD when you leave."
"NO. LH dispenses 3 a day and then will do 2 a day and then 1 a day until they are gone in about 6 weeks."
"Can she be trusted?" he said.
"FUCK YOU. She worked in a mental health facility in the middle of the desert for 5 years before coming to Nashville. She did intake for Schizophrenia patients that stopped taking their meds and began self medicating." "Do you know what that is like dip shit?" He did not like being called dip shit but I did not like having my integrity questioned.
I'm a judgemental bitch again because after meeting everyone at the facility I realized that the most knowledgeable person on mental health and drug related issues lived in the SAME HOUSE that I lived in.
I love that woman. I drag her through the mud with my ridiculous delusions and antics and she still stands up for me. I called her, she called a babysitter, she was there 1hr later to "rescue me" from that hell hole or, should I say, IGNORANCE. She questioned me a bit on the way home, dealt with my withdrawals by pulling over when I needed to get sick, etc. until we got home and then snapped a benzo in half. She tossed it in my mouth and grunted, "Drink. I'm tired, dammit."
We went to bed. I am so dramatic but I learned a valuable lesson. YOU CAN'T cut corners and try to detox off of something your Dr. gave you 6 weeks to do at home. I thought I had no self control to do this. I just wanted it to be OVER!!!!
As it stands, I am down to 2.5 mg per day. I am no longer taking them for anxiety and panic but for withdrawal purposes only. I am doing well. I do flip out if I sleep too long and wake up in a cold sweat with tremors. I slept in yesterday and was very ill but I worked through it. I am not going to lie. I am so scared that I am going to have a panic attack and no benzos to get me through it. BUTTTT I hate to admit it. I haven't cut since that crazy detox day and I have only had 2 panic attacks. I have more energy and the wife says that she can "see the life in my eyes again." So, that's amazing!! Now if only we can get the random crying, anger management, delusions, and self hatred under control! ::Sigh:: I know, kids. ONE THING AT A TIME.
WATCH MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL "THE TRUTH ABOUT CRAZY"
Judgementally Yours,
Truthaboutcrazy
Soo...let's get down to dishing the dirt in the land of crazy. Sometimes I think craziness follows me. Well, that and my poor or impulsive decisions. The following story I wouldn't call a poor decision. I much rather choose to call this an "impulsive" decision. For those of you all who have not seen the vlog or have not been on twitter, I went to detox from benzos (xanax) last week. Just looking over the time I spent writing about xanax, the poems, talking about it, etc. finally made me ask the question, "Who am I without the xanax?" I take a bunch of other shit now, anyway and my Dr. is weaning me off of them so technically I needed to do this. She suggested that I did it at home the slower way instead of doing it in a quick five days. But, I am impatient and I always try to speed things up.
After carefully researching and going through my selection process I found a facility that would concentrate on my psychiatric needs while I detoxed from benzos the HEALTHY way. What happened next couldn't possibly been made up by the best comedians on the planet....
I entered with a suitcase and a pillow. Immediately I was approached with a stack of bullshit paperwork because that is exactly what crazy people on drugs want to do when they are about to detox. It took a motherfucking 7 hours to get through all of the tests, examinations, and verbal abuse by a bunch of self absorbed case workers and IGNORANT nurses!
Intake:
- filled out paperwork until I thought my hand was going to fall off. This was to be expected I was aware that intake was not a walk in the park
- Getting yelled at by a nurse because she didn't know what "co-occurring illness" meant. (even though it was on the brochure.
- When I told her I had Borderline Personality Disorder she said, "Well who am I talking to now?" and shook her head at me...I realized she didn't know what that meant either and that she thought I had multiple personality disorder.
- Advised the nurse the DSM-IV description of BPD and she actually told me I didn't know what I was talking about!
My first impression:
- I couldn't help but to have an internal meltdown when my designated nurse told me she had just gotten out of prison "6 weeks ago." I guess I am a judgemental bitch because I became extremely paranoid.
- I met the other women. 50% prostitutes and 50% permanently damaged from EXTREME drug use. They were as nice as they could be, I suppose, but I guess that's what makes me a judgemental bitch again. I couldn't fathom walking the streets for drug money. (we are talking low class hookers folks...not escorts...lol).
- My understanding was that we would not chat about drugs the whole time because that makes the clock tick slower. I was incorrect because even the 4 nurses were talking about the "fun" times and such.
- I was asked if I had kids. I said yes. This old lady told me, "You'll be back here again and one day the state is going to take away your child for being fucked up. Trust me!" If she didn't look so stupid and if I were in public I would have punched her in the fucking kidney. So instead I bit my tongue off (sarcastic smile).
- My body began to go into withdrawal and I started twitching and getting faint. My arms started to tingle and it felt like there were "bugs in my brain."
- I was given a tranquilizer, a plastic pillow, 4 other mystery pills, and told to go lay down until 6 a.m. (bullshit)
- We went outside to a smoking area that looked more like a cage. Completely visible to the street. Although I had quit for the most part I shoved a ciggie in my face so damn fast.
- One of the girls starts making a bird noise, "CA CAW, CA CAW" like a fucking crow.
- I turn and look and there is a drug deal going on in the parking lot. She was trying to "score" thru the chain link fence. (I bolted inside).
- After that wonderful experience we sat at a table and chatted. Everyone "started to feel the meds" kicking in. I looked confused.
- Staring at all of the zombies, I feel nothing. The zombies asked, "Do you feel it??...pretty good huh?"
- I felt nothing except that the tingling and twitching stopped..."You don't feel drowsy?" This seemed to confuse the Zombies. I was confused too.
- Someone actually said, "She must be a hardcore junkie."
- I laughed inside my head. I am a hardcore cheeseball, spaz, and silly chatterbox, but I am so stupid when it comes to drugs. I just wanted to make an attempt to get better.
- Lastly, I "went to bed."
The Icing on the Cake:
- Trembling, I finally fell asleep only to be woken up 45 minutes later to the bitch nurse yelling at me. Apparently I forgot to sign one piece of paper or some shit.
- My "roommate" dropped her dentures on the floor and started shouting. She located the dentures and fell back asleep. She had sleep apnea. I thought she was dying with every breath she took.
- Again, me the judgemental bitch, I am sickened by the denture incident and she begins shouting (she thought she was being robbed in her sleep) and I vomit in the trash can.
- I leave the room and start pounding some water. One of the nurses yells, "Get back in bed! How are you awake and functioning?" I replied, "I dunno," like some dumb idiot.
- Nurse "Bitch" whispered to Nurse "former prisoner" that she needs to be careful around me. "Thats that girl we are going to end up sending to the psych ward because she has that split-personality condition thing."
He told me I shouldn't leave but he couldn't keep me. "You should stay. You can't just go cold turkey." I said I agreed that cold turkey causes horrible side effects, listed them, and then said that I had 125 benzos at home (that were about to be flushed down the toilet if detox was successful) and I will wean myself off slowly without a fucking horse tranquilizer or whatever they gave me that DID NOT WORK.
"How are you going to do that? You will just take them all and OD when you leave."
"NO. LH dispenses 3 a day and then will do 2 a day and then 1 a day until they are gone in about 6 weeks."
"Can she be trusted?" he said.
"FUCK YOU. She worked in a mental health facility in the middle of the desert for 5 years before coming to Nashville. She did intake for Schizophrenia patients that stopped taking their meds and began self medicating." "Do you know what that is like dip shit?" He did not like being called dip shit but I did not like having my integrity questioned.
I'm a judgemental bitch again because after meeting everyone at the facility I realized that the most knowledgeable person on mental health and drug related issues lived in the SAME HOUSE that I lived in.
I love that woman. I drag her through the mud with my ridiculous delusions and antics and she still stands up for me. I called her, she called a babysitter, she was there 1hr later to "rescue me" from that hell hole or, should I say, IGNORANCE. She questioned me a bit on the way home, dealt with my withdrawals by pulling over when I needed to get sick, etc. until we got home and then snapped a benzo in half. She tossed it in my mouth and grunted, "Drink. I'm tired, dammit."
We went to bed. I am so dramatic but I learned a valuable lesson. YOU CAN'T cut corners and try to detox off of something your Dr. gave you 6 weeks to do at home. I thought I had no self control to do this. I just wanted it to be OVER!!!!
As it stands, I am down to 2.5 mg per day. I am no longer taking them for anxiety and panic but for withdrawal purposes only. I am doing well. I do flip out if I sleep too long and wake up in a cold sweat with tremors. I slept in yesterday and was very ill but I worked through it. I am not going to lie. I am so scared that I am going to have a panic attack and no benzos to get me through it. BUTTTT I hate to admit it. I haven't cut since that crazy detox day and I have only had 2 panic attacks. I have more energy and the wife says that she can "see the life in my eyes again." So, that's amazing!! Now if only we can get the random crying, anger management, delusions, and self hatred under control! ::Sigh:: I know, kids. ONE THING AT A TIME.
WATCH MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL "THE TRUTH ABOUT CRAZY"
Judgementally Yours,
Truthaboutcrazy
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Brain Explosion
Soooo...
First: I "self injured" early this morning (per twitter)..........GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Again, my brain exploded to the point of Youtube freaking out at my latest creation and telling me the file was too large. I realized that I may be able to cram a whole life story in a therapy session, not a VLOG. I am super, super excited about my newest creation and with an expected rocky start I believe that this is the beginning of what should be discussed. I have watched about 35 VLOGS in the past few days on mental illness (to learn) and although I have nothing OUTRIGHT negative to say, I can see that the focus is different. Most of the people are complaining. I complain all of the time so I am not pointing the finger. But, it is my firm belief that if we are going to get something meaningful started and I MEAN WE, US, "CRAZIES."
It is one thing to complain and that is what my idea started as today. BUT, you have to at least throw a bunch of ideas at a wall and hope one sticks. A lot of people may like to read but I wanted to also provide substance through video...and my bitch fest was an EXACT example of how hard it is to NOT complain throughout the entire video. I liked that I failed, I will challenge myself...something I have not done in a long time. I know this blog seems kinda perky tonight...It's probably because I just had a good night with my hubby...
Lastly, the point of the future VLOG project should be about me being a hot mess + all of us a mess + possible days with failures, successes, and ways to prevent things like self harm, panic attacks, etc.
We can all be fucked up mental superheroes y'all....I always wanted to start a revolution!!!!!!!
Exclusive e-mail account to my readers: truthaboutcrazy@yahoo.com That is designated for getting to know each other, ideas (ridiculous or not), my dear friends I have already made, etc.
PEACE,
Truthaboutcrazy
First: I "self injured" early this morning (per twitter)..........GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Again, my brain exploded to the point of Youtube freaking out at my latest creation and telling me the file was too large. I realized that I may be able to cram a whole life story in a therapy session, not a VLOG. I am super, super excited about my newest creation and with an expected rocky start I believe that this is the beginning of what should be discussed. I have watched about 35 VLOGS in the past few days on mental illness (to learn) and although I have nothing OUTRIGHT negative to say, I can see that the focus is different. Most of the people are complaining. I complain all of the time so I am not pointing the finger. But, it is my firm belief that if we are going to get something meaningful started and I MEAN WE, US, "CRAZIES."
It is one thing to complain and that is what my idea started as today. BUT, you have to at least throw a bunch of ideas at a wall and hope one sticks. A lot of people may like to read but I wanted to also provide substance through video...and my bitch fest was an EXACT example of how hard it is to NOT complain throughout the entire video. I liked that I failed, I will challenge myself...something I have not done in a long time. I know this blog seems kinda perky tonight...It's probably because I just had a good night with my hubby...
Lastly, the point of the future VLOG project should be about me being a hot mess + all of us a mess + possible days with failures, successes, and ways to prevent things like self harm, panic attacks, etc.
We can all be fucked up mental superheroes y'all....I always wanted to start a revolution!!!!!!!
Exclusive e-mail account to my readers: truthaboutcrazy@yahoo.com That is designated for getting to know each other, ideas (ridiculous or not), my dear friends I have already made, etc.
PEACE,
Truthaboutcrazy
Monday, October 31, 2011
Helpless?
First, I would like to let you all know that my next blog will have a video attachment that isn't a cute/silly slideshow. I want to "introduce" myself to you all and reach out to as many people as possible. The GREAT part is that I won't be reaching out because I have my shit together. I'm a mess. I want to just exist as someone in cyberspace with an opinion and maybe a few facts....yeah...I'll try to work in a few facts : )
So, do I feel helpless? Today. Yes. But not always. I poured my heart out on what I think would be my first VLOG and I ended up talking so long, at some point my computer was like, "Fuck Off! I Quit!" So, its gone and I don't remember what I have updated you guys on and what I haven't. Total internal temper tantrum happening right now.
But, that's not the reason why I feel hopeless. I am going to keep this brief tonight because I will be "speaking" with you guys very soon. I am so excited. You will still be able to click on it right here on Blogger.
I just noticed a typo that I am going to keep on this page. Apparently, I feel helpless and hopeless. Mmmmm kinda. Exactly one week ago I made a lame attempt at suicide and landed myself in a crisis center. I had changed health coverage so I ended up in an new location that scared me and I was going to see another Dr. Total Panic, Manic, insanity breakdown. I must have been somewhat sane because I tried to run out of the building like a screaming banshee woman and then I turned to my 6ft tall wife and yelled, "That Bitch in the glass window probably has the ability to lock the doors by pushing a damn button!" I started laughing and crying and said, "I'm not going to attack her (pointing at tall wife) she can outsmart me!" I just sat down. @mindofmedusa showed up 5 minutes later to comfort hers (me) and forced jokes and laughter upon me until it was my time to get a 2nd opinion....
I wish to speak with you directly about the rest of my damn day there so...To Be Continued (I fucking hate that term)
Ridiculously Yours,
Truthaboutcrazy
So, do I feel helpless? Today. Yes. But not always. I poured my heart out on what I think would be my first VLOG and I ended up talking so long, at some point my computer was like, "Fuck Off! I Quit!" So, its gone and I don't remember what I have updated you guys on and what I haven't. Total internal temper tantrum happening right now.
But, that's not the reason why I feel hopeless. I am going to keep this brief tonight because I will be "speaking" with you guys very soon. I am so excited. You will still be able to click on it right here on Blogger.
I just noticed a typo that I am going to keep on this page. Apparently, I feel helpless and hopeless. Mmmmm kinda. Exactly one week ago I made a lame attempt at suicide and landed myself in a crisis center. I had changed health coverage so I ended up in an new location that scared me and I was going to see another Dr. Total Panic, Manic, insanity breakdown. I must have been somewhat sane because I tried to run out of the building like a screaming banshee woman and then I turned to my 6ft tall wife and yelled, "That Bitch in the glass window probably has the ability to lock the doors by pushing a damn button!" I started laughing and crying and said, "I'm not going to attack her (pointing at tall wife) she can outsmart me!" I just sat down. @mindofmedusa showed up 5 minutes later to comfort hers (me) and forced jokes and laughter upon me until it was my time to get a 2nd opinion....
I wish to speak with you directly about the rest of my damn day there so...To Be Continued (I fucking hate that term)
Ridiculously Yours,
Truthaboutcrazy
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Cheap and Evil Girl
Idiot is the girl who had no idea she was suffering...
As most of you know by now, @mindofmedusa and I are #LLBFF's and have caused a lot of trouble in the workplace when we first met, and even more drama after leaving due to medical reasons. One day we are manic, fun, and social and the next thing we knew we were afraid to leave our homes. Bff's that see each other once every 2 months? Thank you twitter!
Anyways, here is a PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT for any government official who questions the integrity of our rapid downfall or the ASSHATS that were clueless on the fact that we could tough it up and thought we were just having a bad couple of days.
Modern Day AbFab Bitches!
Fuck Off Normals!
As most of you know by now, @mindofmedusa and I are #LLBFF's and have caused a lot of trouble in the workplace when we first met, and even more drama after leaving due to medical reasons. One day we are manic, fun, and social and the next thing we knew we were afraid to leave our homes. Bff's that see each other once every 2 months? Thank you twitter!
Anyways, here is a PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT for any government official who questions the integrity of our rapid downfall or the ASSHATS that were clueless on the fact that we could tough it up and thought we were just having a bad couple of days.
Modern Day AbFab Bitches!
Fuck Off Normals!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
This one is for the ladies...
OR this one is for the men who want a bit more insight on the ladies........
I've noticed that there is a topic we haven't really touched on the topic of PMDD. Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) is a topic that most of us have heard of or know a bit about but I was baffled when I noticed the link between PMDD and its contribution to all types of mental illnesses.
Now, the good news? You will notice that your body will bounce back 1-2 days before your cycle or the day that you start. Also, only 8 - 13% of women have this disorder and more than likely we don't all have it. I found out when I went from working out 4-5 days a week at a healthy weight and eating well to not following my regimen. I haven't been so consistent and my Dr. and I have had several long discussions about this ddisorder. He does not know too many people that have this disorder since only 1 out of 10 of his female patients actually show the signs.
Next, he had me keep a journal about my sleep, emotions and behaviors the week before my cycle. No, I did not keep a journal but I basically logged it in my head and updated him with the information. He knew without a doubt that I had this and I was diagnosed because I observed one very important piece of documentation....MY BLOG. Even though it was a bunch of blah blah blah it painted this visual for me. Twitter actually helped too. I noticed different behaviors depending on the week, it indicated when I was suicidal, and it pointed out when most of my panic attacks occurred. Moving forward, I know this is going to totally help my life, my family (on the bad days), and I hope it helps you too!!!!!
So, if you can relate to a lot of this information provided, you may want to take notice during "that time." You may not just be "dramatic and emotional" such as experience regular PMS (ugh). In addition, another way to confirm PMDD is to get your pituitary gland checked out and your thyroid. The two additional tests can basically confirm if you have this or not.
How can I prevent the symptoms or lower the effects?
fascinating regards,
Truthaboutcrazy
I've noticed that there is a topic we haven't really touched on the topic of PMDD. Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) is a topic that most of us have heard of or know a bit about but I was baffled when I noticed the link between PMDD and its contribution to all types of mental illnesses.
- PMDD causes depression; however, if you have already been diagnosed with depression or any mental disease or disorder it worsens the symptoms.
- In addition, it causes extreme disinterest in daily activities, out of control behavior, binge eating, and more importantly SUICIDAL tendencies during the last part of the menstrual cycle.
- Irritability, Extreme Anxiety, and SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) are additional factors that are ELEVATED for those diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (I or II), Depression, Schizophrenia, Multiple Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and ESPECIALLY individuals who suffer from a mental illness and INSOMNIA.
- The complete sleep cycle is impacted by PMDD. It may be insomnia BUT it may also have the opposite effect...extended periods of sleep and when you are actually awake you feel like a slug.
Now, the good news? You will notice that your body will bounce back 1-2 days before your cycle or the day that you start. Also, only 8 - 13% of women have this disorder and more than likely we don't all have it. I found out when I went from working out 4-5 days a week at a healthy weight and eating well to not following my regimen. I haven't been so consistent and my Dr. and I have had several long discussions about this ddisorder. He does not know too many people that have this disorder since only 1 out of 10 of his female patients actually show the signs.
Next, he had me keep a journal about my sleep, emotions and behaviors the week before my cycle. No, I did not keep a journal but I basically logged it in my head and updated him with the information. He knew without a doubt that I had this and I was diagnosed because I observed one very important piece of documentation....MY BLOG. Even though it was a bunch of blah blah blah it painted this visual for me. Twitter actually helped too. I noticed different behaviors depending on the week, it indicated when I was suicidal, and it pointed out when most of my panic attacks occurred. Moving forward, I know this is going to totally help my life, my family (on the bad days), and I hope it helps you too!!!!!
So, if you can relate to a lot of this information provided, you may want to take notice during "that time." You may not just be "dramatic and emotional" such as experience regular PMS (ugh). In addition, another way to confirm PMDD is to get your pituitary gland checked out and your thyroid. The two additional tests can basically confirm if you have this or not.
How can I prevent the symptoms or lower the effects?
- Take extra calcium, magnesium, B6 and B12 vitamin supplements the week before and the week of your cycle.
- exercise...even if it is going for a few simple walks (those help with damn cramps anyways).
- Drink your tea and get plenty of antioxidants.
- cut down on alcohol and caffeine (ewww yeah right).
- Birth Control may help
- Diuretics (that one surprised me)
fascinating regards,
Truthaboutcrazy
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Xanax (benzos)
I remember when one of you made it all better;
and the promises made to change my life.
I remember when my head started swimming,
And I needed you to stay alive.
I just needed one.
and now it is five.
My blood crawls with rage if I don't have you on time.
What have you done?
I didn't even want you,
I didn't want to feel this way.
What have you done?
I didn't even need you,
just wanted the hurt to go away.
I remember when I called you my savior
Now I hate every piece of you.
I remember when heartache was a daily routine;
and the day I sought after you.
What have you done?
I didn't even want you,
I didn't even want to feel this way.
What have you done?
I didn't even need you,
just wanted the hurt to go away
And so...
I needed you after all,
I didn't really want to fall.
My body craves you after all.
I didn't really want to fall.
But I needed you after all...
(Sigh....)
I remember when heartache was a daily routine;
and the day I sought after you.
and the promises made to change my life.
I remember when my head started swimming,
And I needed you to stay alive.
I just needed one.
and now it is five.
My blood crawls with rage if I don't have you on time.
What have you done?
I didn't even want you,
I didn't want to feel this way.
What have you done?
I didn't even need you,
just wanted the hurt to go away.
I remember when I called you my savior
Now I hate every piece of you.
I remember when heartache was a daily routine;
and the day I sought after you.
What have you done?
I didn't even want you,
I didn't even want to feel this way.
What have you done?
I didn't even need you,
just wanted the hurt to go away
And so...
I needed you after all,
I didn't really want to fall.
My body craves you after all.
I didn't really want to fall.
But I needed you after all...
(Sigh....)
I remember when heartache was a daily routine;
and the day I sought after you.
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